Spring Awakening
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe
Subject: Is all well?
My Dear Chlamydia,
I have still not heard from you since the night of the Slug and Lettuce fiasco. I can but hope you managed to reign in the more militant ladies running amok at London Bridge Station; the damage they were causing looked quite considerable and, given the inventive nature of our ladies, I am quite mystified as to how the authorities will dispose of the contaminants.
As it was, some of my older members did drop to their knees to worship at the phallic idol of the Shard – an act which proved somewhat inadvisable given the state of the local pavements, the plastic nature of some of the ladies’ knees, and the elastic nature of some of their bladders.
Sadly Mrs Bagsall didn’t make it off the ground and we were forced to arrange internment for her departed-self. It seems she may have had her face pressed against the ground during, shall we say, “the passing” and the coroner believes she would certainly have drowned if she hadn’t first been asphyxiated by the fumes.
I hope that you are managing the end of the festive season as well as can be expected.
Batty.