Featured Tip
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Recent casualties have brought to our attention that users of the “Wilberforce Patent Double-Gusset and Splashback” should remember said items are perishable and should be regularly replaced in order to avoid whiplash.
Random Tips
Five a Day
Many members are concerned they are not getting enough greens in their diet due to soaring vegetable prices. Miss Trubshawe, however, suggests they simply turn off their all-electric refrigeration cabinet. Given enough time, she assures us, everything inside the device will become green.
Dealing with Stray Cats
Miss Flaubert recommends Vicks Vapo-rub for keeping cats out of your garden. As long as you’re careful the creeping tom will merely be stunned by the jar, but not permanently damaged (thus avoiding any complications with the Bow Street runners).
A Fundraising Tip
In these straitened times, always remember there’s probably someone on the internet prepared to buy a second-hand pair of pants which have perished at the gusset.
Caring for Convalescents
Ms. Walthorpe advises that – in line with government thinking – the bed-bound are perfect targets for austerity measures. Leftovers are ideal food, since the patient will appreciate anything you provide for them. And, she says, the less frequently you provide, the more grateful they become.
Alternative Medicine
Miss Havelock considers that as far as alternative medicines go, Gin is most efficacious as a local anaesthetic and sterilising agent when taken internally. If applied in sufficient quantity you won’t feel a thing for hours (or, for the adventurous, the whole of 1974).