Ms Havelock’s Christmas Cake
Ingredients
- 2 cups Flour
- 25g Butter
- 1 cup Water
- 1 tsp Baking Powder
- 1 cup Sugar
- 1 tsp Salt
- 1 cup Brown Sugar
- Lemon Juice to taste
- 4 large Eggs
- Nuts
- 1 bottle Tequila
- 1 bottle Port
- 1 Bottle Dry Sherry.
- 1 glass of Nail Varnish Remover
- 2 cups Dried Fruit
Method
Sample the tequila to check quality. Once quality has been assured take a large bowl, check the remaining tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level pint and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it’s best to make sure the Port is fine OK. Try a cup. Now try a pint – just to confirm that the measuring cup is of a different volume… Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of died fruits.
Pick the pigging fruit up off floor. Remove the remnants from your hair and face. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriverer.
Sample the Sherry to check for tonsisticicitystuency. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the Sherry for any residue in the bottom. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a shoon of spugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, finish the nail varnish remover and wipe counter with the cat.
Bingle Jells!
It is absolutely guaranteed that by Christmas Day you will get Chrismas Cake in hospital together with a nice meal. It is possible that it may be served through a straw.