Lady Cressingham’s Book of Financial Management
The now sadly out of print “Book of Financial Management” by Lady Esmerelda Cressingham was one which offered much sound advice on financial matters – as well as an extensive (if oddly-placed) section on seepage management.
Interestingly – if somewhat quaintly to modern tastes – she included several short memorable verses on the subject of debts and “asset acquisition” which we have decided to share with our readers here.
One such verse reads:
Clothes on a line are fair game
Clothes in a drawer, just the same.
But steal from a rack, skirts or a hat
And then be assured you’ll be blamed.
Which we feel sure is useful advice. Another suggests:
Big pants when you shop are a boon.
Try knickerbockers or pantaloons.
But don’t hide a marrow, as space is quite narrow,
And you’ll walk like you’ve eaten some prunes.
And finally:
When secreting the fruits of your labour
Be discreet with a parsnip or more
But here’s my advice, to you reader no price
A marrow would make you a whore!
It is worth noting that throughout the book there is something of a fixation on the marrow as a vegetable. We can only presume she felt it was a very economical vegetable as she later goes on to say “they do go a long way”.
As you can doubtless imagine, it was due to her occasional involvement with the then-named “Penge Institute of the Ladies of the Night”, that this book – compiled during occasional spells at His Majesty’s Pleasure – became a much loved and referenced work, not only by our ladies, but also the Widows’ chapter of the Greengrocer’s Guild.