Dried Pasta and Cat-Litter Surprise
Mrs Saxon, one of our most pioneering money-saving experts, has offered the following recipe for your delectation. Suffice it to say that the results have proved remarkably effective on numerous occasions (although, regrettably, she has now been served a restraining order preventing her from entering any of the local pet shops for supplies).
Ingredients
- 500g Fusilli Pasta
- 500g Cat Litter (Paper or Corn-Based – not Silica)
- ½ Pint of Lant-Water
- 2 kg of Dried Kindling
- 100 ml of Firelighter Fluid
- Matches
Method
First, locate a suitable outdoor spot for cooking. (A lay-by or the central grassy reservation of a roundabout are ideal.)
Spread the firelighter fluid over the kindling, set in a small pile and light.
Heat the lant-water in a pan over the fire until tepid. (If the lant-water has been recently dispensed you may be able to skip this step.)
Add the pasta and cat litter to the pan. Do this slowly, one handful at a time, alternating between cat-litter and paste, whilst loudly singing bawdy songs or, in extremis, anything by Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Stir the mixture carefully (very carefully) then sit beside the fire weeping copiously.
When enough onlookers have been attracted, soil yourself.
Within 15 minutes you will have access to a reasonable meal. This will either have been paid for by a stranger or strangers; or else you will be in a police cell with nice cup of tea and a bun.