Up the Junction!

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe

Subject: We have sightings!

I gather you will have seen the news?

There have been reports of noise and confusion on the Northern line. Admittedly this would be less than conclusive given the system’s current state of disrepair, but in fact spoor have been sighted. There have been gingerish remnants discovered all over Borough Tube station but they’re at least 3 days old.

Ms Hawksby has been stationed at London Bridge together with a couple of her ‘Gels’ and Ms. Zimmer is at Elephant & Castle.

The net is closing. After hours we’re going to do a sweep of the tunnels disguised as fluffers.

If you could see your way clear to assist with some ladies above ground at Borough, I’d be most grateful.

Bats.

Words of Wisdom

Growing old is compulsory; growing up is optional.

— Bob Monkhouse

Top Tip!

  • Caring for Convalescents

    Ms. Walthorpe advises that – in line with government thinking – the bed-bound are perfect targets for austerity measures. Leftovers are ideal food, since the patient will appreciate anything you provide for them. And, she says, the less frequently you provide, the more grateful they become.