Up the Junction!

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe

Subject: I Feel Quite Unwell

My dearest Chlamydia,

I can honestly say that I have never been involved in incidents so unpleasant. Things looked bad from the very start, even though we were plainly along the right track. The bulkheads where the old and new tunnels diverged at Borough had been seriously damaged – certainly by the Thundersley – and some floodgates by the river were in a similar state.

The darkened trip along the old tunnels was vaguely familiar from my experiences potholing. On the downside, however, we also found many rats which at first appeared to be in a state of suspended animation – until, that is, Ms. Zimmer, diagnosed diabetic coma from raisin consumption.

We knew we were on the right track and finally in one of the approach tunnels we discovered the Thundersley – but sadly unoccupied!

We pressed on, however, and arrived at King William Street – the unearthly nature of the environs not being at all helped by Ms. Zimmer’s chuckles as she reminisced on the happy hours spent laying in the converted shelter.

After surveying the area we came upon an old storeroom; fruit and nut wrappers littered the area and taking up a large proportion of the room was Aunt Enid, who, like a Hermit Crab appears to have spread out to accommodate her new home. Unfortunately she appeared to be in a dangerously excitable – not to mention malevolent – state and we chose to rapidly make our escape through the tunnels.

Following this I have currently been unable to raise a response from your phone – are you quite alright? Did your approach work? I’m really rather concerned – from all the crashing we heard behind us as we made our escape I rather think we may have roused her too much and I’d hate for you to have run into her in that state.

Please respond!

Words of Wisdom

On Being Old. It’s not nice but take comfort that you won’t stay that way for ever.

— J. P. Donleavy

Top Tip!

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    The pending cases against Miss Totteridge remind us that, due to the enactment of various homicide acts, it is categorically not legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on a Sunday in any city.