The Kerb-Crawling of Ms. Alice Zimmer
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.
Subject: Tiddles.
Dear Clammy,
I think it is probably about time to return the cat. The Chief Constable, of course, was never the most lucid of gentlemen even when he was in his 80’s, but it is probably fortunate – given the circumstances – that that his sense of smell is now as robust as his bladder.
It must be said we do have much to be grateful for regarding Miss Mountjoy, not least of which is her amazing ability to not be repelled by the smell of Ms. Zimmer. This alone probably explains their surprisingly long-term tolerance of each other.
Do you know, now we come to mention it, I’ve never quite been sure why she needs the Sterident since her teeth, if not all her own, are certainly affixed to her jaw. (I steadfastly refuse to believe the scurrilous rumours from the Moorgate Evening Argus about her need to “dissolve the bits”.)
I’m afraid that I personally have rather less fond memories of the Mile End Road. You will of course remember the time I had to prevent Ms. Zimmer from kerb crawling in her invalid car.
Bantam