The Hackney Marsh Debacle of 2002
To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: The Horror of Hackney
My dearest Bats,
I am, of course, exceptionally delighted to hear of the widespread recovery, although I suspect that Ms. Gray will forever be traumatised by the sliding hatch in the latrines. I am, however, foresworn by Ms. Leopold never to divulge the nature of the incident which prevailed on her nostrils so vividly during her visit to the Trade marquee.
I had, given its name, assumed it was some sort of craft fair but instead Ms. Leopold insists it was something altogether more sinister. I remember catching her unawares during the aftermath and it was quite some time before her nosebleed had stopped and she was able to focus again.
I understand even now she has a peculiar aversion to party poppers and I can only assume one went off in her face – certainly something extraordinarily viscous had adhered itself to her contact lens.
I’m afraid in all the confusion I neglected to ascertain precisely how you came by your injury?
I must away. There are nasty rumours of a shopping trip to Hamburg and I fear that Miss Twigham’s medication is pushing the boundaries of common sense again. (Not to mention her understanding of the limits of the Kent County Border.)
With much love and affection,
Clammy