The Hackney Marsh Debacle of 2002
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe
Subject: The Affair in the Park
Chlamydia my dear, allow me to allay your fears. Ms. Zimmer’s Aunt Enid is still ensconced behind the dashboard of the car and has taken to urban foxhunting to supplement her diet of peanuts and tonic wine.
That said, despite assuring Ms. Zimmer that she would be careful, last night she unfortunately ploughed into the night bus stop for South London in Trafalgar Square, killing almost 35 people as well as mashing a number of pigeons.
The police, thankfully, were unable to identify the driver – understandably since she reclines over the engine – and were mystified when the car apparently drove off on its own. A brief chase ensued but due to the car’s recent conversion to “natural gas” it quickly outstripped the police cars. (I am glad to say that the fox escaped also.)
I am in two minds as to whether I should go to the police about all this but as she lives in a space no larger than the average refrigerator and becomes homicidal when removed to larger areas, I cannot imagine what they could possibly do with her that would cause fewer fatalities.
On a personal level, though, I would not care to be driven to Hackney in this contrivance and I would fear for the well-being of anyone who chose this method of transport.
On a lighter note, do you remember old Mrs Ovid who started up these gatherings? It is such a shame she is no longer with us. But then she was never the same after that nature ramble with Ms. Zimmer in the bushes around Brockwell Park. If you remember she was in a coma for 3 days and after that she could only say “The Fist!” Oddly enough Ms. Zimmer suffered no ill effects but to this day refuses to be drawn on it.
I hope I have been able to allay your fears. Please let me know where would be the most convenient place to meet for this occasion.
Yours,
Bathsheba.