The Confusion Begins
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.
Subject: With Grateful Thanks
Your apologies are graciously accepted by our League, I’m sure, and I do quite understand.
As you are aware a number of our more elderly members were involved in the previous society – the aforementioned ‘Penge Institute for Ladies of the Night (Victoria Branch)’ – but took on our current name when the less-educated members of the society fell victim to one of those popular “social conditions” that were so rife in the 1800’s.
Fortunately the remaining members were educated enough to take precautions.
This brings me to the subject of Ms. Zimmer. It has occurred to me that in being the last surviving member of the Penge group, as well as being 110 years old, she may indeed be no longer eligible for either membership of our group, or indeed of the Human race. (She is also disturbingly accurate when playing Darts, although somewhat more dangerous when in possession of a bottle of Blue Bolls.)
I would also say that, as a cat lover, I felt that the hip bath incident was one that should never be repeated.
I believe that West Central sounds an acceptable venue. And since it has a theatre bar one would certainly expect it to attract ‘the right sort’. I am informed that it is located up a flight of stairs so with this in mind I have banned Ms. Zimmer from attending due to her reliance on the invalid car. (The memory of her previously using the car on the London Underground is not one I wish repeated. Indeed, the image of her on the escalators alone I cannot yet eradicate from my memory – although she did apologise to the families afterwards.)
In terms of time 6.00 pm would probably be best, giving us a little time to refresh ourselves. I look forward to seeing you then.
Most Faithfully and devotedly yours,
Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley.