The Confusion Begins
To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: Possible Meeting
I apologise most sincerely to you for the confusion. Obviously with so many elderly members, the old names are dying hard. (As indeed are so many of our elderly members.)
I dimly recall that the name change did play an unfortunate part in the Zimmer/Twigham debate. As I understand it, the problem began when Miss Twigham questioned in no uncertain terms whether Ms. Zimmer qualified for membership of your retitled organisation. (I think we can all be thankful that the ensuing violent spectacle was interrupted by the incident with the Chief Constable’s cat and the hipbath of ammonium nitrate.)
Unforeseen circumstances would currently preclude our meeting until Miss Twigham has been extracted from the gentlemen’s latrine. Since she has so far resisted all attempts to remove anything but her hairnet and a couple of minor cysts, it is expected that these activities will continue until approximately five of the o’clock.
As a result of this I am somewhat relieved to inform you that Miss Twigham has been suspended and will not be joining us. Her membership has been rescinded due to the unpleasantness we have experienced at the loss of our only working lavatory for an extended period. (And quite why Miss Twigham should be having extended periods at her advanced age is a line of enquiry to which I do not wish to devote any time.)
Therefore it would be fair to say that either of these establishments is open to us. I have heard good reports of the West Central and would be keen to sample its reputed delights.
I understand it has a theatre bar which is probably in keeping with our age and bearing. Perhaps you would care to meet there at 5:30 or 6:00?
We urgently await your earliest despatch – but not with as much vigour as we await the despatch of Miss Twigham, who has been in there for five days now…
Yours, as ever,
Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.