Firestorm Over Europe

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.

Subject: Poo!

My lovely luvvely Calmidima

You know I’ve always appprreeceated your frendchip lots and lots and lots. The cake here is reallly goood and everyones so niccce and and and sweet thow the cake is reealy nice. Im having fun here and I love you soow mucccch and Ive got to go back and ill rite soon and all. Miss Twigham is a cow and I hate herrrrr, there al;l bitches and I love youuu

Battybatttybatty

Words of Wisdom

A man’s not dead while his name is still spoken.

— Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

Top Tip!

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    Mrs Saxon offers some excellent advice for people on a budget: “it is always worthwhile rummaging through food bins at major supermarkets. There is a treasure trove of food to be found, as well as the occasional rat.”