Firestorm Over Europe

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.

Subject: Poo!

My lovely luvvely Calmidima

You know I’ve always appprreeceated your frendchip lots and lots and lots. The cake here is reallly goood and everyones so niccce and and and sweet thow the cake is reealy nice. Im having fun here and I love you soow mucccch and Ive got to go back and ill rite soon and all. Miss Twigham is a cow and I hate herrrrr, there al;l bitches and I love youuu

Battybatttybatty

Words of Wisdom

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

— Terry Pratchett, Jingo

Top Tip!

  • The Joy of Drip-Drying

    In clement weather, peg your laundry on the clothes-line rather than using the electric dryer. Drip-drying in this fashion will not only save money but also saves wear on clothes, towels, sheets and – it transpires – poodles.