Down the Tubes
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington Smythe
Subject: Evacuation
Dear Clammy
I trust that the experiences of the last few days have not affected you as much as I. The many fallen as a result of “The Gingering” will doubtless be remembered in the inter-group newsletter.
I must apologise for the coating of Mama Yembe’s super hot chilli sauce on the ginger. This was not my idea, but a variation on a theme dreamed up by Ms. Zimmer.
I think, however, even she was surprised by the effects, especially since they did leave the train at a siding in Morden in a state which can best be described as “mangled” (in spite of Ms. Zimmer’s insistence that I use the word “slack”).
Unfortunately a number of our ladies were caught in the shock wave. I have accounted for all but four of them, but am relieved that those missing are possessed of sound bodies, if not minds.
Needless to say the effect of the chilli and ginger, coupled with the many varied diets over the last week, has resulted in an unexpected and unsanitary redecoration of the Northern line between Borough and Morden.
On a more positive note, Enid is now a shadow of her former self and even lost enough matter to transfer herself, under cover of darkness, back into the Thundersley. I’m also glad to report that her unhappiness at the overall experience means we need not worry for the purveyors of spices for the foreseeable future.
I must depart. I have news of a madwoman in a brown dress screaming her way round Clapham Common and I fear she may be one of mine.