Chariots of Fire
To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: Commiserations and Condolences
My dear Marjorie,
I apologise for the delay in writing but we have been a little traumatised by the events that unfolded in the sanatorium on Saturday.
Despite the tragedy that we all experienced, however, I hope we may return to the venue on some other occasion for a more balanced and less hysterical afternoon out.
Firstly I, of course, take full responsibility for forgetting that Miss Marchant would be an ill-advised addition to the party. Since the issue has raised its ugly head, so to speak, our group has discussed relieving Miss Marchant of her membership, but decided, in the light of our depleted numbers, that she should remain an active member. (Besides which, for a Colonel she does make the most exquisite trifles.)
Miss Marchant is, needless to say, also much distressed by the upset caused and hopes that Miss Trappett’s eye will soon recover after the incident in the jacuzzi.
Secondly I must apologise for my actions in the swimming pool. It had been a trying time, what with the appearance of various emergency services, and the resurgence of Ms. Zimmer and Miss Twigham’s feud was for me a step too far.
Despite this my actions were extreme. To hold them both under the water by the scruff of their necks was appalling behaviour, especially in the light of Ms. Zimmer’s increasingly decomposed state. Admittedly the skin around her neck has never looked so smooth, but it is unfortunate she will now have to pin the slack up under her wig.
On a lighter note, many of our members are recovering from the towel-flicking, with only a few sores and bruises to show for their involvement. Miss Twigham, indeed, has seemed remarkably refreshed and apart from one or two sour glances in my direction is an almost entirely different character.
I only hope it will last.
Sarah-Jane.