Aunt Enid and the Thundersley
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.
Subject: The Property of Ms. Alice Zimmer.
I must confess that Ms. Zimmer’s car had certainly left our organisation baffled up until fairly recently when it was revealed her Aunt Enid (132) had become agoraphobic en-route to Bridlington for a day out in 1984. She has apparently been living ever since under the dashboard of the vehicle and no amount of coaxing has managed to remove her.
Ms. Zimmer has, however, ensured that Enid has been regularly provided with dry roasted peanuts and maintenance books with which she has managed to keep the car in an impressive condition for a number of years. Plainly, though, the confinement combined with Ms. Zimmer’s ill health has a) driven her quite mad; and b) resulted in a search for a new source of peanuts.
Now, if I recall correctly, Miss Twigham is rather fond of chocolate-coated peanuts herself – although it was subsequently revealed she sucked off the chocolate and offered the peanuts to the local children at a nominal cost. I can therefore only assume that Enid was attracted by the smell of the mouldering peanuts and was then rendered insensate by the alcohol fumes from the property.
The contents of the car are, of course, a matter for Ms. Zimmer to arrange. I have, however, been informed that the tube sign is of great sentimental value as a result of an entertaining 3 hours with a Salvation Army band during the Blitz – an event which I believe resulted in Ms. Zimmer’s only issue.
Much looking forward to meeting with you again at the weekend. I shall away with the pixies and leave the car in your capable hands for the time being.
Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley.