Up the Junction!

To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley

Subject: Horror of Horrors!

My Dear Bathsheba,

I must confess I still can’t quite believe this to be true. Obviously Aunt Enid has taken herself off like this before but has never yet done so when expressly waiting the return of her niece.

With that in mind I will say I was not totally convinced about this turn of events, but Miss Marchant was able to reluctantly verify the facts. (I say reluctantly. I think she was just holding out for more sherry.)

Looking back, though, I think it may have been better if Miss Marchant and I had held this conversation in my office, rather than in the more (and I use the word advisedly) communal areas. Miss Peggit – always a lady of a hysterically melodramatic bent – sadly overheard and, being reminded of events, became immediately distressed and had to be forcibly taken out of range of the crockery.

My greatest concern, of course, is where can the Thundersley (and its occupant) have gone? There is no doubt that any egress from the underpass would have been impossible even with Ms. Zimmer’s extensive customisations so they must surely be somewhere in that vicinity?

I note from today’s news that the tunnel is currently closed due to flooding which, if true, does sound rather remind me of that unpleasantness in the Dartford tunnel a few years back. I hesitate to suggest it, of course, but could she be developing a sort of unsanitary calling card?

I’m sure you and Miss Havelock are capable of handling this yourselves, but if you would like me or any of my ladies to assist with your investigations you only have to let me know.

Yours, as ever,

Clammy.

Words of Wisdom

On Being Old. It’s not nice but take comfort that you won’t stay that way for ever.

— J. P. Donleavy

Top Tip!

  • Negotiated Congress

    Ms Zimmer has offered us some advice regarding negotiated congress which, although she is amply qualified, we have had to decline since her qualifications expired some time ago. (Indeed, due to the Trade Descriptions Act she now has to offer the promise of “a horrible time”.)