Spring Awakening – A New Chapter

So yes, finally we are able to bring you the true story of events that occurred at the start of the year. Head on over to the Chapters and take a look at “Spring Awakening”. And we have further new chapters to come in a couple of weeks…

Spring Awakening

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe

Subject: Is all well?

My Dear Chlamydia,

I have still not heard from you since the night of the Slug and Lettuce fiasco. I can but hope you managed to reign in the more militant ladies running amok at London Bridge Station; the damage they were causing looked quite considerable and, given the inventive nature of our ladies, I am quite mystified as to how the authorities will dispose of the contaminants.

As it was, some of my older members did drop to their knees to worship at the phallic idol of the Shard – an act which proved somewhat inadvisable given the state of the local pavements, the plastic nature of some of the ladies’ knees, and the elastic nature of some of their bladders.

Sadly Mrs Bagsall didn’t make it off the ground and we were forced to arrange internment for her departed-self. It seems she may have had her face pressed against the ground during, shall we say, “the passing” and the coroner believes she would certainly have drowned if she hadn’t first been asphyxiated by the fumes.

I hope that you are managing the end of the festive season as well as can be expected.

Batty.

Words of Wisdom

The cure to boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

— Dorothy Parker

Top Tip!

  • An Urgent Word of Warning

    The pending cases against Miss Totteridge remind us that, due to the enactment of various homicide acts, it is categorically not legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on a Sunday in any city.